THE STRANGE, AND THE RUDE

11 October 2017

THE NORTON THEORY

Were this 1979 or thereabouts, Laston would be called either a freedom fighter (mukoma) or a terrorist.

Maybe now we can call him a delivery fighter. As the face of the Norton Residents Development Trust, being the secretary, he has been a consistent voice in the organisation’s push to keep the local local authority on its toes and delivering. Laston is also a monya, proud owner of a gym.

There are therefore at least two reasons to believe what Laston says. Fear, and………fear! Not fear of Laston. He is just a man, not a Man of God. It has to be a fear of what he and fellow Kingsdale residents claim to have witnessed last week.

Laston tells us that a few days ago, the Kingsdale community witnessed a live horror show.

It is said that a child of Kingsdale vomited last week. When some inquisitive members of the Kingsdale community explored the vomit closely, they spotted something strange therein. (Sorry if you are eating, but some of these things must be talked about, for the sake of saving lives).

The strange thing turned out to be a living being, maggot-like, but larger in size. Intending to present the strange gonye to the medical fraternity for ease of diagnosis of the child’s sickness, they put it in a bottle for safe-keeping.

The next day when they checked the bottle, the strange gonye had miraculously burst and brought forth plenty of smaller makonye!

Laston and the Kingsdale community are convinced this is yet more evidence of our local authority’s poor record in service delivery, in this case, water delivery. Precious’s NTC owns a water bowser, but it has not delivered water to Kingsdale. Now, Laston and his fellow residents of Kingsdale suspect that these strange creatures are being ingested by many from the contaminated water that is the only type of water the community knows, this child being probably the luckiest to vomit it before it is digested and expelled into our septic tanks again. They say it is dishonesty, lethal dishonesty, to expect good things, like clean water, from a 200 square-metre stand “housing” both a water well and a septic tank.

TNT is willing to forgive Laston and the Kingsdale community if they are wrong in their theory on the origins of the vomited gonye.

But TNT cannot be expected to forgive the local local authority for creating, directly or indirectly through the land barons, conditions that make it easy for the Kingsdale community to make such conclusions.

MORE GONYE-STORIES

This is not Fishville’s first gonye-story though. And we realise these makonye are viewed differently too, depending on which aperture they exit us through.

A few years ago, before their expulsion from the liquid place, our sadza-ladies fed a man who was urinating makonye. No-one blamed any water. Everyone, including the unfortunate man, was blaming a certain married woman in faraway Nkayi. And, allow me to digress a bit. The sadza-mothers are said to be the spreaders of the dog meat rumour that has hit the liquid kitchen hard “pocketically”. We are not sure how dog meat tastes, but we have heard that revenge is sweet.

Back to gonye-stories.

Nationally, probably the best known gonye-story is the one where a certain businessman was accused of owning a gonye which vomited millions in cash.

See? Makonye are not just vomited, they can vomit too!

THE POWER OF THE VOMIT

Here is hoping that you have all finished eating.

Just so that we take a moment to tackle the dreaded case of the vomit. Imagine if the same Kingsdale child had vomited that strange object at a church service of a Man of God’s congregation. Would the said Man of God have pointed at the well and septic tank as the culprit? To be honest, it would be easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than that to happen, especially in Adam’s prosperity earth. The gonye would be a demon, spell or curse.

And do you realise how much a vomited gonye could be worth in the “Christian” Zimdom?

Take the case of this Harare couple, (vatanga futi vanhu vekuHarare!) who are asking a sinners’ court (for all of us have sinned) to determine of the “godliness”, or lack thereof, of one of our National Prophets. They accuse the Man of God of lying (eish! Some people are daring!)

Suppose at one of the services now said to be fake, one, or both, of them, or their child, had vomited a gonye. Would we not be hearing testimonies instead of lawsuits right now?

Now do you realise that the Kingsdale gonye would be worth $5,6 million right now, had it been vomited by a millionaire couple’s child, for example, during a deliverance service at the City Sports Centre?

FAREWELL LIPHERT

The Fishville soccer community was thrown into grief last week by news of the passing on of Liphert Makondo. He was one of the star players at Norton Area Zone Soccer League side, Wire-weavers FC.

TNT will fondly remember Liphert as one of the players who made the preliminary list of last season’s Greatwo NAZSL Player of the Year award run by this column. Coincidentally, the award was won by his then teammate, Epias Madovi. Sadly, Liphert leaves at a time TNT is putting in place the final arrangements for this season’s selections to start. He was laid to rest on Saturday. Rest in peace “Mabrasho”.

NORTON AREA ZONE SOCCER LEAGUE UPDATE

The clash between Gatavi and Dudley Hall was abandoned on Sunday. According to reports, Gatavi’s Naison reacted angrily to a yellow card, resulting in the referee upgrading it to a red. The player reportedly went as far as taking the card and flashing it at the referee. Then he refused to leave the pitch for an early bath. From his name, TNT is sure Naison has more probability of being Brazilian than Cameroonian. Had he been a Western African with a Christian name, you would most likely be reading another Fiasco right now.

Overall, this was literally a weekend of draws. But Stantam continued with their rich run of form.

RESULTS

Tamuka 1 Blackthorn 1; Dandy 1 Guardian 1; Gushungo 2 Planet Shield 2; Manyame 1 Country Feeds 1; Trackwide 6 Marara 2; Stantam 1 Koshen 0; Gatavi vs Dudley Hall (abandoned); Wireweavers vs Garshelt (postponed).

Mayor, the author of The Norton Theory is reachable via Whatsapp on 0776367719, twitter @mayortoo3 and Instagram (umayorfuthi). LIKE our facebook page, The Norton TIMES for more Norton news.

PICTURE: HAPPY FAREWELL…………St. Erics high School’s headboy (left) and headgirl (right) bared the school farewell at a prize-giving day on Friday. Arnold Muchakagara and Fadzai Guchu are taking their educational journeys to higher levels. TNT wishes them well.

PICTURE: SAD FAREWELL………..The late Liphert “Mabrasho” Makondo.

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