SOMEWHERE between governance failure and the cult of benefaction, Zimbabwe has invented a new political system – lickocracy. It is a state ruled not by ideas or law, but by the power of flattery.
In this new order, survival depends less on competence and more on the art of licking behinds. In the Shona vernacular, “kurumbidza mambo” once meant honouring the king. Today it’s a different craft altogether – an economy of humiliation where public praise is traded for cars, cash, and fleeting fame.
At the centre of this new faith stands Wicknell Chivayo, the self-styled benefactor in-chief. His gospel is simple: praise me, and I will bless you. He has turned philanthropy into performance, gifting cars and cash to musicians, police officers, DJs, and social media personalities who sing his praises loudest. His creed has inspired imitators. From Kudakwashe Tagwirei to President Emmerson Mnangagwa himself, leadership has morphed into showmanship. The state now rewards sycophancy the way it once rewarded service.
Few scenes capture this better than DJ Tawas, coating himself in honey to symbolise “ED Huchi.” It would be comic if it weren’t tragic. Honey once a symbol of sweetness now represents stickiness, desperation, and the rot of reward culture. Every handout reinforces a dangerous lesson: work is optional, worship is profitable.
The new Zimbabwean dream is no longer to build or create, but to trend in a benefactor’s mentions and wait for a miracle of generosity. This culture of instant blessing has quietly murdered ambition. Young people no longer see purpose in labour or enterprise. Why struggle to build when you can go viral by praising?
This mentality seeps into governance too. Ministers and bureaucrats now compete not on results but on loyalty displays. Performance has been replaced by performance art, a theatre of applause where every policy is framed around what pleases the throne, not what grows the nation.
Lickocracy has turned sycophancy into a national industry. Praise has become the new tender. The country now measures opportunity not in merit or innovation, but in proximity to power. The result is a proliferation of non-productive citizens whose only skill is adoration. They fill space but add no value. They flood social media timelines but not factory floors. They shout for development but never build it.
Behind every car handover and every public prayer for benefactors lies a hidden cost: the corrosion of dignity. Workers watch as devotion outpaces diligence. Students learn that studying hard is less rewarding than trending well. Entrepreneurs conclude that connections matter more than competence.
This is how a nation decays not through sanctions or inflation, but through moral bankruptcy disguised as benevolence.
If Zimbabwe is to rebuild, it must detox from lickocracy. Real progress will begin only when merit becomes fashionable again, when citizens understand that no amount of flattery can substitute for productivity.
The revolution we need is not one of guns or slogans, but of mindset. Let us be a people who build, not beg; who think, not thank; who speak truth to power instead of singing it lullabies.
Until then, we remain a republic of tongues ruled not by wisdom or will, but by the rhythm of praise.
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